Random thoughts

Hello interweb, I have been ignoring you lately.

Break has been a lot of work, it's sad. I'm okay with going back to school, I feel unproductive here, I dislike Barnes. I wish I could take my friends with me though.

I really feel odd tonight. Lots of thoughts swirling around. I think I need sleep and a really long Reid hug.

Thought #1: I wish people got a more accurate representation of him when he visited. It feels like I'm dating a different person than everyone met, it's odd. Just slow to open up, which is fine, so am I. I just find it interesting how quickly he opened up to me, I have never experienced the shy Reid, not like that. I still have a lot to learn. I had NO idea how he would react to my family/friends, I overloaded the poor guy. I hadn't really thought about the fact that I didn't know he was shy until he came here. How strange is that? He told me, but I just didn't know the extent of it, I guess.

Thought #2: This is the longest I've gone without seeing him and it is making me realize just how happy I am when I'm with him. I want everyone, you ladies especially, to know the wonderful person I do. I have never been attached to someone like this before, it's the strangest feeling, letting someone care about you. I don't know what I was so scared of for so long. Vulnerable is a negative term usually, but it actually is kind of a nice feeling when you know it's safe. I flash back to the first week when I think about it. I think I was shivering partly because I was cold and partly because I was scared in a thrilling kind of way.

Thought #3: I really like learning with someone else.

Thought #4: A lot of people owe me "I told you so"s

Thought #5: Something feels off right now. Maybe it's that my school life and home life seem so different and separate. It's odd that they mixed for a week.

Thought #6: Why am I the world's confidante? I should be a psychologist.

Thought #7: I often wonder why people do/say things that I never would. It bothers me.

Thought #8: I apologize too much. For stupid little things. I think every time you say sorry you admit to doing something wrong and it raises the person you're talking to up a bit because you wronged them somehow and therefore owe them. So every time I say it I chip off a bit of my ego. And I say stupid things like "Sorry I left AIM, I had to go to the bathroom" "Sorry I didn't answer the phone, I had no signal." And then I say it when other people step on me or bump into me or something, when it's their fault.

Thought #8: I should start getting people to yell at me for that.

Thought #9: I have no idea what yelling is. I have never been yelled at. I just use it to mean people scolding.

Thought #10: I work at noon and should be sleeping.