Sunday, November 23, 2008

design*sponge is an awesome blog.

and I really want to make this RIGHT NOW.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

god damn ittttt.

i was in an irritated mood for no reason and then my mom called and wanted to know what's new and nothing much is new, and i was totally not in the mood to talk to anyone, and she got really pissed and hung up after like...two minutes. cool.

now it's 4 on a saturday and i have fun things later to do but nothing right now and i'm all irritated. zmbfqwoeirudkahldkgjfhs. it's like i simultaneously want people to leave me alone and people to hang out with right now. whatever. grr.

Friday, November 21, 2008

(I had a dream yesterday where a talking mouse decided to try and put a bridle on an alligator and use it as a horse. I never found out if it succeeded.)

Animals

The hunters here are starting to anger me. Yes, I understand the need for hunting. But some of these people are just sick. Guys, mostly.

One of them, in my comm class, gave a speech about how wolves and feral cats should be hunted. They are simply nuisances and do not belong in Wisconsin. And any other method is "just f***ing stupid." Yes, he said that in his speech. as his argument. He believes that animals do not feel pain, that putting an arrow through a deer is the same as putting an arrow through your couch. Why? Because his dog got porcupine quills in it's face once and didn't yelp when they were pulled out like some wimpy human would.

Animals don't show pain until absolutely necessary, because in the wild that shows they are weak and will get them eaten. That does NOT mean it's okay to hurt any creature, that does NOT mean they don't feel.

And as for them having no emotions? Have you ever been within ten yards of an animal? Watch squirrels play, see how your dog reacts when you're upset. They are more keenly attuned to emotions than we are! They mourn and have joy and anger just like us. But theirs is a purer sort, in my opinion. They have reactions for reasons. Someone tries to kill your baby, you get pissed and attack the predator. Your mate dies, you don't take another one. (I <3 albatross.) They don't know what drama is, they don't have bad days where they decide their day will be horrible and make it that way. They simply are, they simple react.

Let's put an arrow through your stomach and see how you feel. Or shoot all of your friends "just because they move" and because "I think they are less than humans."

I almost walked out of that class yesterday. And don't even get me started on animal testing girl.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

I'm beginning to miss you both immensely. (Beginning, ha ha.)
Let's make plans for thanksgiving! So we make sure it happens with our crazy schedules and large families.

Also, Kat, I really love that you are watching firefly too. :D

Thursday, November 13, 2008

So I slept in through my extra credit Spanish presentation...which I really needed to do. Because I got a 13/50 on my first test and it would have replaced that...dangit. I needed that so badly.

My eyes are red again, I stopped taking that medicine because I thought it was gone. And I have a chemistry quiz tomorrow. Hooray.

His quizzes seem to have the same amount of information to study as his exams...how does that work?

Trevor got really sick this week. He turned yellow and shriveled and got really cold. We put him in a hot water bath and sprayed him with hot water. We tried for an hour to get him to eat on his own and finally had to force feed him. It worries me because I still haven't seen him eat on his own and I can't seem to find what causes that. I've spent a lot of time on google and some say frogs normally change color and others say he's too cold but the temperature hasn't changed much.

I've been decent lately though. A certain person makes me really happy and seems to make anything bad seem trivial. And gives awesome comfort hugs. <3

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

photo paper discovery

I just found my pack of photo paper and needed a distraction, so I figured out how to print pictures!! :) Katie and Kat and Katy and Hannah, you are now on my bulletin board behind the laptop screen. As are the Shao Lin folk. ^_^

And my roommate and I are making ourselves sick eating loads of peanut m&ms. <3 <3 <3

Monday, November 10, 2008

Why yes, my research paper's on Taoism

"What's this you're writing?" asked Pooh, climbing onto the writing table.

"The Tao of Pooh," I replied.

"The how of Pooh?" asked Pooh, smudging one of the words I had just written.

"The Tao of Pooh," I replied, poking his paw away with my pencil.

"It seems more like the ow! of Pooh," said Pooh, rubbing his paw.

"Well, it's not," I replied huffily.

"What's it about?" asked Pooh, leaning forward and smearing another word.

"It's about how to stay happy and calm under all circumstances!" I yelled.

"Have you read it?" asked Pooh.
That was after some of us were discussing the Great Masters of Wisdom, and someone was saying how all of them came from the East, and I was saying that some of them didn't, but he was going on and on, just like this sentence, not paying any attention, when I decided to read a quotation of Wisdom from the West, to prove that there was more to the world than one half, and I read:
"When you wake up in the morning, Pooh," said Piglet at last, "what's the first thing you say to yourself?"

"What's for breakfast?" said Pooh. "What do you say, Piglet?"

"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?" said Piglet.

Pooh nodded thoughtfully.

"It's the same thing," he said.
"What's that?" the Unbeliever asked.
"Wisdom from a Western Taoist," I said.
"It sounds like something from Winnie-the-Pooh," he said.
"It is," I said.
"That's not about Taoism," he said.
"Oh, yes it is," I said.
"No, it's not," he said.
"What do you think it's about?" I said.
"It's about this dumpy little bear that wanders around asking silly questions, making up songs, and going through all kinds of adventures, without ever accumulating any amount of intellectual knowledge or losing his simpleminded sort of happiness. That's what it's about," he said.

"Same thing," I said.

-Benjamin Hoff, Foreword, The Tao of Pooh

Friday, November 7, 2008

friiiidaaaay, field trip day!

Eeeee it's snowing and Dustin is almost heeeeeereeeee!

and I don't think I completely failed either of my two language teeeessssstsssss!!

why yes, I have perked up a bit, thank you for asking.

TGIF!

In the light of day and in a much better mood, my weekend will probably actually be pretty fabulous. Tonight I'm volunteering as a poker dealer til 11 and then chilling with dana and jackie. And then tomorrow Dana and I are spending the whole day in chicago. Which should be awesome... even though Im rather broke. And then Sunday Jon is driving up at least for a couple hours. So all in all this will actually probably be an excelllent weekend.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Going Home

I just got a call from jon's grandmother. I could go home saturday. I could ditch my twenty bucks for chicago trip and see katie and jon. It's so hard to convince myself that it's more important to stay here and connect. I was excited about my weekend. But now Im not cause all I can think is that I would be happier back there. Grrrr.... I hate this. I really do. And Lauren's distant. It's not her fault, I am her closest friend here. But she like... doesn't connect right? I keep thinking from time to time that she doesn't actually like me and then she's shows in some way that she does but it often doesn't seem like it. I think the way she acts toward friendship is just a different reaction to having alchoholic parents. I feel a need to overconnect. Instead she is distant. It just sucks cause she is my only friend here but like... doesnt count me or something? Cause she might transfer at semester and it feels like the fact that that would leave me alone and miserable doesn't really matter? I donno. Im pmsing like mofo maybe it's just that. Not having friends sucks. I feel so lethargic lately.... It's like I don't have the energy to go out and actually try to make friends. Besides ... there aren't really any people I want to know better anyway.

i'm flooding this blog, sorry

I dunno what it is, but I just feel down a lot lately. Good moods are fleeting at best. I don't do anything very exciting; I just procrastinate homework, do homework, don't get enough sleep, don't eat enough, repeat. I've exhausted the usual methods of cheering myself up -- even extensively talking to all my favorite people not here doesn't make me laugh out loud... (I used to be on such a high from talking to everyone for hours and hours, I'd grin randomly in the middle of French and be completely distracted...) But now I just feel kinda sad. I feel so distant from everything (and everyone) that's important to me...

and now my mood tends to be as grey as the weather. :(

Evan Jones posted this article to facebook

http://news.aol.com/article/is-it-cool-to-be-an-american-abroad/238998

(about an expat in Vienna)

We don't have to pretend we're Canadian anymore!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

according to plan...

(...now I have that song stuck in my head. :P)

I've figured out my schedule for next semester!! Now, as long as everything works out during registration (no classes fill up before I'm allowed to sign up), I'll be all set! Oooh, and I found out that I'm registering as a sophomore next semester, which is awesome. :) I've got to share my hopeful schedule with someone, so you're the lucky ones.

Mondays
1:25-2:15 Chinese lecture
2:30-3:20 Chinese discussion

Tuesdays
8:45-10 Meteorology lecture (in St. Paul! $%#&!)
10:15-11:30 Meteorology lab
12:45-2 "The Fantastic in East Asia: Ghosts, Foxes, and the Alien" (ahahaha!)
2:30-3:20 Chinese discussion

Wednesdays
1:25-2:15 Chinese lecture
2:30-3:20 Chinese discussion
6:20-9:30 Understanding Cultures (on the West bank... not cool...)

Thursdays
8:45-10 Meteorology lecture
12:45-2 Fantastic in East Asia
2:30-3:20 Chinese discussion
3:35-6 Fantastic in East Asia - film showings

Fridays
2:30-3:20 Chinese discussion

what's up!! what d'you think?

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Hells yes we can!

Just imagine the places this country is going.

We just elected an African American president. An eloquent president. A president who is actually aware of the times and the people and our generation. He sends out information via text message, for goodness sake.

I figured it was coming but simultaneously I'm thrilled!

I had a large amount of respect for McCain and would not have minded him winning either. It was his VP that was the problem. May she go back to putting on lipstick by the hockey rink and stay there.

Look what we've accomplished, America!

Now we just need to calm the shoot-everything-that-moves-republicans at my school.

Historryyyy!!

Watching this election is so exciting. It's so epic!!!! We VOTED in this election!! :D
This is so fabulous. The Senate races are turning up largely Democratic also. It's not over til it's over, but it's looking pretty promising now. This is so excitinnnng...we're watching history!!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/us_elections_2008/7700298.stm

Live updates via our favorite, BBC!
I like how they say "BEARehk OBAMehr." :P

PS-- I was the 665th voter at my polling place. And the 667th ballot turned in. I average out to be the demon voter. ^_^;

Final Destination - Dorm Room Style

Now I've only seen part of one of the final destination movies but I think I may be in one of them.... My dorm room is trying to kill me. My bulletin board has now hit me in the head 3 times.... and last night I fell off my loft. If some one finds me dead, you'll all know why. Damn murderous bulletin board.

Monday, November 3, 2008

FUCK THAT.
I TAKE IT BACK.

nothin' better

In the true spirit of this blog:

Ben&Jerry's (and brothers in North Carolina) make everything better.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

I'm confused.

I posted about my Halloween, in case you missed it.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

No Place like My Lack of Home

I feel so disconnected lately. I don't really have people in Oshkosh and I don't really have people back here. I tried to throw a halloween party but none of friends who is still in school here could/wanted to come. That was bizarrely painful. I mean many of them had valid excuses but still it sucks. I don't really have a place to belong...Part of that is certainly my fault. If you are gone every other weekend people don't really get a chance to connect with you.

And the people I do connect with are too much like me. They are always gone too. I was there the last weekend. But only some of my friends stayed. O well. And there is this chicago outing Dana invited me too but I have no money. I can't afford twenty bucks for transportation and then what I would pay for food and whatever I decided to buy while there. I only have 60 bucks for the rest of the month... so really. That won't cover usual expenses much less extravagent trips.

I don't know I just feel like I have no where to be where I have people. Rawr! I never thought I would miss highschool but I kind of do. O well. This too shall pass. (btw I am also pmsing and am not usually this depressed about my social life. It's just a bad mood.)

fear

I amuse myself sometimes. In an ironic, really-not-funny way.

This is a pretty good time of year to be talking about fear. (Oh hey, happy November 1st! Woooo!) But last night just got me thinking. You know when people would ask "What are you most afraid of?" and you get all the classic answers like "I'm so afraid of deep water" or "Definitely spiders" or "I can't stand heights." That question always made me pause, because I never could think of anything. Deep water? Sure, it's eerie, and drowning would suck. Spiders? I have no great love of them but except for exceedingly large gross ones I usually just ignore them or move them outside. My stomach drops if I'm really high up but I love it at the same time (and I especially love flying). So for a short, blissful while several years ago, I thought "Well, I guess I'm really not scared of anything."

Ahaha. Yeeahhhhh, okay.

That would be more accurately put as "I'm not scared of any thing." There aren't specific objects (or arachnids) that I can claim as my "worst fear." But hell, I'm one of the scared-est people I know. We all know I'm terrible at handling scary movies. I have the obvious number one fear, shared with most girls I know, of rape. But while that heads the list, god, there are so many other things.

And that's hard for me, since I'm the kind of person who doesn't like to admit personal "weakness" because I feel like it's not okay to be scared of things, that people will find me lacking in character or something, I don't know. I'm the girl who, when hanging out with a ton of guy friends, finds it really important to "fit in" and not fill the stereotypic image of the girl who just "doesn't get it." Funnily enough, I tend to fit in just fine. A large part of "guy humor" does, in fact, amuse me; I love action/spy movies; I know the name of the sporty car flying past us better than half the guys in the group, and it's me who recognizes the Mazda Miata MX-5 in the parking lot (True story. Me: "Hey, is that seriously a Miata?!" Girl in heels: "I think it's a Mazda, isn't it?" David, to me: "Wow, you're right, it is." Girl: "But I really thought that logo was a Mazda..." Me: "It is... it's a Mazda. Miata. MX-5." Girl: "Ohhh...haha!" X_x;;). I don't know that I could actually fight somebody (more on that later), but I do study martial arts -- something that Nate, for one, never seemed to be able to accept. Anyway, the great thing is, it's not a show I'm putting on -- I'm not trying to pretend, I'm just like that. My friend Claire (bless her) had her boyfriend come up one weekend, and she tried to pretend like she knew what we were talking about and her boyfriend and I would just laugh at her total lack of logical reasoning. Haha, we had a good time. Iono, just how I am I guess. (The car thing, at least, is definitely hereditary.) I've even found that with my mom sometimes -- I have very distinct aspects of both of my parents -- she just doesn't think like my dad and I do sometimes. (I think I think more like my dad but act more like my mom.) Anyway, I digress. A lot. Sorry.

So that's a huge fear of mine - not fitting in; being judged for being different or for not measuring up to expectations; not being accepted. That came into play a lot at Shao Lin too -- remember how nervous I was at being the youngest, the only girl, and not able to fight? (I was even afraid of tornado kicks, for crying out loud.) That's also why it was (and sometimes is still) so hard for me to initiate things sometimes (email, IM, text...etc), because I'm afraid I'll be "bothering" someone. I hold them in such high regard; they can't possibly like me nearly half as much as I like them. How annoying must they find this little girl... (etc.) That falls more into the realm of self-doubt than fear, but it's all connected.

I'm afraid of not being able to fight or protect the ones I care about; I want desperately to be able to do so but I'm incredibly afraid. Then there are the things like diving - I still can't dive into a pool or a lake. Throwing myself headfirst? I'm afraid I'll get hurt. I can't trust myself. That was the same reason I was afraid of cartwheels. (Look! There's something good we can accredit to Lucas. I can now do decent cartwheels.)

But the whole thing that got me thinking about this was last night. (No, not exactly because it was Halloween.) I hung out with Alan (aaaand now my brothers know his name...) the whole night, and it was super fun. (No marshmallows were necessary, Katie. God.) I had a great time, but when I got back I realized just how terrified I am of relationships. Right now we are indeed just friends and getting to know each other and whatever, but I don't think it's unrealistic to think the possibility is there. And I am physically ready for a relationship and have wanted one for how long now, and it gets down to it and I freak out. Like always. When Tyler asked me to homecoming junior year? Terrified. When Nate asked me to junior prom? Same story. Remember that Adrian kid who was at our choir concert? I freaked out when he called me at home (he got my number where...?) and invited me to his aunt's play (she's the one in our choir). I didn't go. And everytime a friend would be like "Hey Simone, Nic likes you..." I would just be like "Ohhh, no." And I would never believe it, either. "Dan liked me? No way."

(Sidenote: Wow, this is turning out to be a really fitting post for the PMS blog...heh...)

But you see what I mean? I always pushed them away. I like people I could never have, because I think on a subconscious level I know that since it can't happen, I won't be obligated to do anything about it. And then I get frustrated that I'm 18 and don't know the first thing about relationships or ... anything involved with them.

So it was a fun night, but left me scared, and not in a traditional Halloween way.
There are so many things I don't know.