gorram it

I don't really understand myself sometimes. Or most of the time. Last night was fun but just...sort of awkward for me, because it seems like he pretty much likes me a lot, and for me...I didn't really feel that way back. He'd be a great friend. And I'll keep hanging out and seeing what happens I guess, but I don't want to lead him on or anything if there's really nothing there for me. And Kat, I know you said I always do this, but this isn't the same as before. This time I'm not pushing away someone because I'm afraid they like me (Jake, Tyler, Nic, Adrian); this time I'm not being completely oblivious (Dan?!); this time I'm not ignoring someone I like because I'm too scared to do anything about it (Baylen) or giving up too soon when they're shy too (Nate). This is me trying to give it a chance and really not feeling anything back. At least as far as I can tell. I sort of had fun last night, but, it more felt sort of...sad? Because he likes me and doesn't know what to do, and because I want to get to know him but think we should be friends? (Does it count as overanalyzing when you're just confused, Jon?) He gave me a hug goodbye and instead of being excited (remember me the first time Baylen and I hugged, Katie? you were there) I was just like "ohh...hm."

Oh and you were right, Katie--peppermint-spiked hot chocolate is really good.